By Jeremy D. Wells
Carter County Times
Recently, I set Facebook on fire with my controversial opinion that all men should be able to change a tire, field dress a deer, and tie a necktie. It was really just a throw away thought, and I never expected it to upset so many people.
Honestly, other than neck ties, the other items on that list didn’t matter. I chose changing a tire because I picked up a screw last week and had to pull over and plug my tire on the side of the road. Field dressing a deer I chose because I honestly think everyone should be able to feed themselves.
It could just as easily have been growing a garden, or milking a cow.
The important thing was that there be three items, with two of them being typical rural male skillsets and the other being how to tie a necktie.
I just happen to like to deer hunt, and most of us drive. (Or at the very least ride in a car.)
I honestly expected some push back on the necktie bit, more than anything; and I was ready for it.
Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I hate getting dressed up. I’d rather take a whooping than have to tuck in a shirt, and neckties and tucked shirts go hand-in-hand.
I worry about wrinkling the back of my shirt while I’m driving, then I get super stiff to try to avoid it, and then my legs start aching. (I know, I’m a mess.) It doesn’t even matter if I’m wearing a jacket that will hide any potential wrinkles. I know suits aren’t made for men built like me, and as a result I look funny in one no matter what I do.
So, seeing as how I hate getting dressed up so much, you might wonder why I’d advocate for all men knowing how to tie a necktie.
The reason is, no matter how much you might dislike getting dressed up, there are times you’re going to want to.
Weddings. Business events. Formal social gatherings.
Funerals.
No matter how much you (or I) might dislike getting dressed up, there will come a time for all of us when we want to show someone the respect of getting dressed up for them. Especially if it’s to say good-bye.
I expected some pushback from folks who hate dressing up as much as I do, and I was ready with this argument. But I didn’t get much of that pushback at all. Any who did quickly acquiesced after I explained my reasoning, responding with understanding even if they didn’t agree.
What I didn’t expect were the arguments from folks who called my statements ableist (never mind that my cousin navigates the woods on crutches and keeps a thermometer in his boots, so he knows if his feet are at risk of frostbite during deer season), or examples of “toxic masculinity.”
The problem apparently wasn’t with the examples of self-sufficiency that I listed, but rather my assertion that, “all men should” be able to do these things.
Those three little words, apparently, were enough to throw out the baby with the bathwater and take grave offense. Never mind context. Never mind explanation. Folks kept coming back to those three words and hanging all their projected offenses upon them.
Maybe they had some valid points. I read them and tried to take them all under consideration. But it always kept coming back to those three words no matter what else I said.
It points out one of my chief complaints about social media; it’s where nuance and conversation come to die. It doesn’t really matter what one has to say. It doesn’t matter what you meant to convey. It doesn’t matter how long you try to explain.
Folks decide they know what you meant. They project their own anxieties and insecurities on it. And that’s where it stands. You can write an entire thesis addressing each critique point by point, they’re going to point to those three little words, and you’re going to be the villain.
Sometimes, that’s just the way it is.
Contact the writer at editor@cartercountytimes.com
