By Jeremy D. Wells
Carter County Times
The family of Conner Stafford say he left behind a wonderful legacy of caring and friendship – touching the lives of classmates and everyone he met. He was also curious, like many other kids his age. But his parents worry that curiosity may have contributed to his passing; and they don’t want it to happen to anyone else’s children.
That’s why they’re warning other parents to pay close attention to the content their children consume online, and asking Carter County coroner George Sparks to change what they see as the insensitive description of their son’s passing on his death certificate. It isn’t that they contest the facts presented in the coroner’s investigation. It’s that they feel the specific details are unnecessary and potentially dangerous for any classmates who, out of their own curiosity, might pay the minimal fee to obtain a copy of their son’s death certificate. This is on top of the pain and distress caused to the family any time they have to refer back to the documentation.
The official cause of Conner’s death, according to the autopsy conducted in Frankfort, was asphyxiation. The details of how that came to pass – which we will not discuss out of respect to the family – are relevant to the investigation and should be reflected on the death certificate according to Sparks. The family, however, disagrees.
They believe that Conner’s fascination with another young person’s death led him to engage in experiments, to try to make sense of how it could have come to pass. His mother said the 14-year-old found several videos about the death on TikTok, and would continually show them to her and discuss them.
“Leading up to the day Conner had passed, Conner was sitting on the couch, and he was showing me videos of this (name removed) girl that was all over TikTok,” his mother Patty explained. “She was all over everything. All over everything… and Conner was showing me all these little videos. Every so often he would show me.”
She explained how in one particular video, the mother of the young girl discussed the bullying her daughter had endured, including sharing videos the bullies had sent to the girl. Conner, who always stood up for the underdog according to his parents, couldn’t understand why they would do such a thing. He also didn’t understand how it could drive someone to take their own life. His mother, however, assured him that some people could be driven to desperation by such cruelty.
Conner was never bullied, according to his parents; quite the opposite in fact. He was a popular young man – tall and athletic and outgoing – and was known for taking up for those who suffered from bullying. If someone like Conner, a happy young man whose life was untouched by tragedy, could become so fascinated with a subject that he would engage in risky activities to try to understand it, they worry others could too.
That’s one of the driving reasons behind their repeated requests to have Sparks amend the cause of death on the certificate.
Sparks explained that coroners are “compelled to do three things” when filling out a death certificate. Those things include determining the time of death, the manner of death (e.g. homicide, suicide, accident, or natural causes), and the cause of death.
According to the family – who do not dispute the time or manner of death currently listed on the certificate – asphyxia should be sufficient for the cause. The details of how that asphyxia occurred, while relevant to determining the manner of death and the full report, are not necessary for the death certificate. They said they’ve talked to other medical examiners, coroners, and funeral directors and were told that not only could Conner’s death have been ruled accidental, but that the coroner wasn’t required to include the details of how the asphyxiation occurred.
They claim that Sparks himself even acknowledged that in a phone call, but that he would not change the listed cause of death, except to append asphyxiation to the detailed description noted by his deputy.
Sparks said he was sympathetic to the family’s hurt, but that he stood behind his deputy’s report and would not make any further changes than the addition of asphyxia to the detailed description.
“It’s super tragic,” Sparks said, adding that the “mother was very emotional,” so his deputy, Ronnie Wallace, “got a statement from the boy’s father.”
The family notes that because of their long wait time for the deputy coroner, Patty was transported to the hospital before he arrived on scene. Ambulance personnel, the family said, were worried about her health as time passed, and recommended she be taken to the hospital for treatment.
Sparks said his office waited for the medical examiner’s finding before filling out the death certificate, and then they made an initial set of changes after it was pointed out to them they had the mother’s maiden name on the certificate instead of her married name. The time of death was also initially noted at the time the deputy arrived, rather than the time ambulances arrived on scene and failed to resuscitate Conner. But, he said, they won’t be making changes related to the cause of death as requested.
“Asphyxia is not a cause of death,” Sparks said.
Because of the family’s insistence, he said he would change it from the detailed description to, “asphyxia due to (detailed description).”
“I called the medical examiner and told him we have a distraught family, caught in the anger stage of grief,” he said. “He had no problem with asphyxia on the first line.”
Sparks said he had sent that amended copy to the family the day before our September conversation. However, the family said they still have not seen the amended copy, and that they would not be satisfied with any amendment that still included details.
They said that the insensitivity they feel Sparks continues to exhibit is just a continuation of the insensitivity displayed by his deputy on the night of their son’s death. This included failing to show up for more than an hour after being contacted, failing to get accurate statements, and making gross assumptions about the nature of the family and the situation surrounding the death.
For instance, they said the first report they saw included erroneous details surrounding the death (which we will not repeat) that can be confirmed by security camera according to the family. While Sparks said this was not reflected in the final report, he said detectives had been asked to retrieve the video.
“I’ve read Ronnie’s report,” Sparks said, stating that it didn’t include the information the family claimed it did. “But that’s not going to change anything (about the listed cause).”
Sparks then confirmed that they “don’t have any evidence of (the particular detail in question).”
The family said they also initially had information in the report that the parents were separated, which they felt insinuated there were problems at home. Sparks acknowledge that this, along with the mother’s maiden name being listed, were “two mistakes” that were in the initial notes, but that otherwise he stood behind the work, and that none of those details were in the final report, “because evidently that was wrong information,” which he said he believed came from a deputy sheriff on the scene. He said none of those details were relevant to the information on the death certificate, however, and that he felt the family were still processing their grief.
“I’ve seen this before,” Sparks said. “We feel bad. It’s a tragedy. And we don’t want to antagonize the family any more than we have to, because (this type of death) is already difficult.”
The family, however, said Sparks and Wallace have been antagonistic, uncooperative, and unsympathetic from the outset, and continue to dismiss their legitimate concerns and heartfelt requests for sensitivity.
They aren’t the only family to issue complaints about Sparks office, either.
After hearing the Staffords’ complaints, Treyleigh Howard shared her family’s experiences with the coroner. When her uncle passed, she said the coroner was dismissive of the family, treated her uncle’s body roughly, and held the body for six weeks – delaying their ability to hold a memorial service. She said that while the death certificate listed the cause of death as an overdose, he had no heroin in his system.
Sparks, however, noted that the toxicology report did indicate that Howard’s uncle, Doug Evans, had methamphetamine in his system. Despite this finding, the family weren’t convinced overdose was the cause of death. They said there were many other people in the home at the time of Evans’ death, and that the scene was not properly secured. They also said they couldn’t be sure foul play wasn’t involved. Because of this, they asked for an independent autopsy, but said they were denied.
“Whenever George Sparks had to come out to do his job, he was just very unprofessional,” Howard said. “A complete lack of compassion, and then wouldn’t even allow us to have an autopsy, even after we offered to pay for it numerous times.”
Independent autopsies are allowed by Kentucky law, but they must be paid for by the family. It is not necessarily the role of the coroner to provide families with contact information or details of how to schedule an autopsy. According to funeral directors contacted for this story, it is a service typically coordinated by the family’s funeral director, who may also offer assistance with transport services.
But while the Staffords, like the Howards, allege that Sparks is “unprofessional” and lacks compassion, their biggest concern is still more related to the potential for copycats. They said they’ve learned about recent lawsuits alleging TikTok feeds “addictive” content to teens to keep them engaged and they agree it’s a problem. Especially for young people who don’t completely understand the consequences of all their actions.
But, they said, TikTok isn’t the only way information is spread among young people. That’s why they want the coroner to do what they feel is the responsible thing, and allow the family to keep the specific details of their son’s death private.
Contact the writer at editor@cartercountytimes.com
