27.4 F
Monday, January 17, 2022
HomeOpinionColumnOf night owls and daydreams

Of night owls and daydreams

By: Jeremy D. Wells
Carter County Times

I have a reoccurring daydream that I can get my life organized, that I can get better at time management, get things done during the day, and not be up at 4 a.m. writing.

I have the time to make it happen. I have distraction free places to write both in and outside the home. But I’m a night owl.

Insomnia isn’t so much an unwelcome guest as an old friend that I embrace – one who has shadowed my steps for decades. The sweet release of sleep? Why would I want that when I can lie in bed awake and obsess about the kid I should have been nicer to in seventh grade?

Maybe it started with those all-night Legend of Zelda sessions, my cousin and I taking turns at exploring Hyrule until the sun came up. That’s what my mom blamed it on at least. But I don’t think a 35-year run of sleeplessness can be blamed on bi-weekly Saturday night gaming marathons when I was 11. At least not completely.

Maybe it’s the anxiety. But if it is, that isn’t new either. I’ve been obsessing over things I’ve said or done, or things I should have said or done, for as long as I can remember too.

I had existential dread down early too. I remember asking my grandfather – an old school Pentecostal Church of God preacher – where God came from when I was about five-years-old. If God created everything, I asked, then how did he come to be? Who, or what, created him? Was he spontaneously formed in this Big Bang event I’d heard of but didn’t (and still don’t) quite understand?

My papaw explained the Christian creation story again. He told me about the rebellion in heaven and where the Devil came from. (A great story for the obsessive, questioning, insomniac child, by the way.) But he couldn’t tell me where God came from.

He also couldn’t fully explain the process of stepping out on faith in a way that a child would understand either, though to his credit he tried. Today I understand that the very definition of faith is that which we accept without any direct evidence to support it. But these are heady concepts for the adult, much less the kindergarten student.

Knowing that these concepts were too big for me to comprehend, though, didn’t stop me from lying awake and pondering them anymore then than it does today.

At this point afternoon naps – and getting up to read, write, or play video games between 2 and 6 a.m. – are just part of who I am. I doubt it’s ever going to change.
But I still daydream about night things, and sleep, and what it would mean to be fully rested. And I probably always will. I think it’s just the way the night owl is wired.

Contact the writer at editor@cartercountytimes.com

Previous articleConnie Patton James
Next articleLawrence Kenneth Mayse


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
- Advertisment -spot_img
%d bloggers like this: