By Robert Dean
Carter County Times
In news from the National Dept. of WTF: The Oh Glorious Leader is at it again—this time, taking a sledgehammer to the Department of Education. Because if there’s one thing America doesn’t need, it’s educated kids. Right?
America’s education system is already hanging by a thread. We rank 28th in math and 13th in reading globally. Our public schools are underfunded, inequitable, and stretched thin. Who goes to college? Kids with scholarships, government aid, or wealthy parents—unless they can scrape together federal grants and loans.
So, why the sudden Republican obsession with gutting education? Because they think kids are getting too “woke.” Apparently, teaching that America enslaved people and stole land is too controversial. Instead, they prefer a cleaned-up, star-spangled version of history where we’ve never done anything wrong. Critical Race Theory? “Gender insanity”? Just the latest boogeymen to keep the base riled up while Project 2025 quietly reshapes the country. And let’s not forget: anything that remotely smells like Marxism has to go—mostly because late-stage capitalism is making it hard to find new scapegoats.
But let’s talk about what this is really about: a payday for people who already have money. The voucher program is a public handout—just not for the people who need it. It funnels taxpayer money to private schools, making it easier for wealthier families to dodge the public school system while leaving the rest to rot. If you want to send your kid to private school? Fine. But why should taxpayers foot the bill while public school kids sit in classrooms where the heat doesn’t work?
Meanwhile, our favorite billionaire, Elon Musk, has been tapped to “cut red tape.” Interesting choice, considering he rakes in $8 million a day from government contracts. Your kid can’t afford lunch, but don’t worry—Elon’s doing just fine.
Sure, one argument is that states should control their own education systems. But what happens when a state is too broke to fund schools properly? When kids want to go to college, they don’t apply for state aid—they apply for federal aid. Because even in a country obsessed with rugged individualism, some things are too big to leave to chance.
This isn’t just about education—it’s about cruelty. Keeping the poor in their place. The world is outpacing us, and we’re too busy cutting education to notice. Look at high-speed rail: China just launched a system that connects the entire country in hours. Meanwhile, Amtrak is still running trains that look like a 1970s time capsule. We can’t even copy infrastructure that would make life better, and now we want to dismantle the very thing that gives kids a chance at a better future?
Whatever party you belong to, we should agree on one thing: what’s best for kids should be the priority. Instead, we’re watching politicians blow hot air while making sure their friends get richer.
The next time someone talks about “opportunity,” ask them why your kid’s school can’t afford a heater while billionaires get tax-funded handouts. That’s the real American education system.
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