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The big 5-0 is coming and who knows what will happen

By: Keith Kappes
Columnist
Carter County Times

In a few days, my wife and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, also known as the golden anniversary.

We’ve never made a big fuss or spent lots of money on lavish gifts to celebrate anniversaries but I know this one is different and that the pressure is on me to deliver a memorable occasion.

I half-seriously offered to give her a new pontoon boat but she declined. I suggested a new car or a side-by-side ATV but she politely turned me down. I offered to take or send her anywhere in the world on a luxury cruise but that didn’t work, either.

I thought about gold jewelry but she doesn’t wear the few diamonds or other bling she already owns. 

Usually, I get help from my three daughters and at least one of my daughters-in-law when I’m stumped for the right gift for my wife. But it is different this time around and I sense that a conspiracy is afoot in my family.

When I suggested a friendly discussion of my options for such an important event, I was told very abruptly by a daughter to stop talking about it and to not get into trouble by asking any more “dumb” questions. 

As I recall, the last time I heard that specific warning was when an unmarried male relative told us his girlfriend might be expecting. Nosey ole me asked for the details. She wasn’t, thank goodness, and I never mentioned it again.

I sense that some of my family members are putting something together that will be impressive…and probably expensive. If this 50-year business gets out of hand, don’t be surprised when I announce a GoFundMe drive.

Sometimes, I wonder if the late Henny Youngman, a great comedian in my opinion, had the right idea about marriage harmony. He claimed that he and his wife went out each week for a candlelight dinner with soft music and dancing. 

His wife went on Wednesdays and Henny on Fridays.

Keith Kappes can be reached at keithkappes@gmail.com

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