By: Scott Adkins, Sling ‘n Stone Ministry
Carter County Times
No experience necessary. Senior management will send helper to provide on-the-job training. (John 14:16, 26); (John 16:13). Successful applicants will represent senior management far ‘n wide. (Acts 1:8).
Positions Open: Fishers of men; and harvest laborers. (Matthew 4:19; 9:37-38).
Applications Period: A.D. 30 through today. (Matthew 4:18-22; 28:19).
How To Apply: Applications accepted anywhere anytime, but must be submitted while applicant is kneeling. Senior management always available to hear a fully submitted applicant. (II Corinthians 6:2); (James 4:6).
Ideal Applicant: All repentant former sinners strongly encouraged to apply. (Acts 9:1-22).
Daily duties: Show up bright and early every morning for face-to-face with senior management; read our employee handbook, which must be obeyed at all times. (Exodus 34:22); (Luke 22:46); (Psalms 119: 11); (II Timothy 2:15); (James 1:22); (Luke 6:46).
Hours & Area of Operations: 24/7, worldwide. We never close. (Psalms 121:4); (Mark 16:15).
Compensation: Generous, but deferred ’til senior management’s soon-expected return. (Revelation 22:12).
Benefits: Daily food, shelter, and clothing provided by senior management’s Father, before anyone can ask. (Matthew 6:25-33).
Retirement: Excellent, including well-lit mansion in spacious city, with streets of gold and unlimited access to river and tree of life. Senior management to personally provide (and long ago paid for) speedy air travel to retirement destination – guaranteed. (John 14:1-3); (Revelation 21:12-13, 23) (Revelation 22:1-3); (II Corinthians 5:8); (I Thessalonians 4:16-17); (Mark 10:45).
/s/ Alpha & Omega
Senior Management
(Revelation 22:13-15)
